When I close my eyes, it’s his piercing look that takes my breath away. It’s those quick stolen kisses under the starry night. It’s that wink which makes my knees go weak. The smile with a devilish glint. The way his eyes light up when he sees me looking at him. In a single moment, he flashes through my mind. I don’t know his story. I don’t know his past. I don’t know anything except the spark between us could start a wildfire.
It’s the tenderness and softness of his lips brushing mine. Something I’d never really thought much about before, and now every nerve waits, anticipating the next touch on my skin. The fluid connection and equal thirst for each other. Is it just because it was a short, exciting, momentary fling, or does it have potential for more? For everything I never knew I wanted in a partner and then some? Am I just dreaming because it’s easier to pretend it’s got potential since I live 4 states away and it’s not 100% certain I’ll be moving there? Am I just fooling myself into projecting a love so epic and timeless, I’ll cast anyone to be the love interest of the story? No because I want it all. I want the friendship. The passion. The butterflies. The anger. The irritation. The boring. The exciting. The feeling of absolute love and warmth in their arms.
But in a flash, I saw his baggage. I saw his past. I saw his hurt and pain. But still something drew me closer and closer. Something in his eyes, pulled me in. Here I found myself, wanting to learn about him. Learn his heart, soul, mind, and body. I wanted more than just the spark. I didn’t think I’d find someone who gave me the same spark that’s haunted me for the last seven years with anyone else. I didn’t think I could meet someone who would make me forget about the past. But there was a clear sign to run. It flickered back and forth between gazes. Sometimes he’d let me glimpse into his soul. I’d see he’d been hurt. I could see the love overflowing in his heart as well. I could see that if you gave this man your all, he’d move the heavens and earths for you. I could feel the passion simmering just below the surface; mixed with rage and maybe a little fear. What was going to come out ahead, no one could tell. The tender look and soft gaze. That’s what got me.
One moment later, the walls popped back up and I could see the warrior was back. I could see a man who’d lost someone. A man who was fighting his own demons. A man who knew the sting of betrayal and hate. A man who thought himself not worth the attention of women. A man who could be bitter, but still tried to be better. And then I caught myself, thinking of that what-if’s. The dangerous path to travel down, because sure I could imagine all the good and potential happiness, but what if didn’t take into account the pain that might come with this path. The pain that can’t be overcome. What if he was so irreparably damaged he could never let himself let someone in? What if I pushed too far and I got shut out forever? What if I, was just a convenience for the long weekend? What if I’d made up all the spark and attraction my mind? But what if, out of all the possibilities, he felt it too and wasn’t sure if it would work either, for the right and wrong reasons, but held himself back? What if he too, was scared of the perfect fitting and pulled away?