Posted in Advice, Love

Grey Areas, Toeing Lines, It’s Not My Style.

Here’s the thing, I think you like me, and I think you have no idea of where you stand with me. I think it’s easier to pretend you don’t, and if that’s the game you want to play, okay, I won’t press you. I’m not about making either of us uncomfortable, since I actually enjoy your friendship too. I think you like me more than you consciously will admit,  But if you wanna dive into this, I’m curious to see where it could take us, and I’m game. Totally willing to play by what rules you want (because I’m just so sweet). I think I keep you on your toes and I challenge you more than you realize, but if you’re happy and don’t want to cross that line, I respect it. I also respect you and I both enough to bring this up and talk about it with you since I think the lines are blurred and we’re just playing a pitiful game of tag.

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If you want this to be just drunk hook-ups, that’s fine. If you want to be solely friends, we need to establish this now and it won’t be crossed, but right now being in limbo, it’s not fair to do to anyone. I also respect your girl enough to not be that bitch, so this line needs to be defined. Obviously I like you, and we respect each other and we laugh and have fun and it’d be a good time, but really the ball, for once, I think, falls to you.

 

I get confused. I’m left wondering and can’t decide what the right path is. I think by default then the line becomes clear. I think what I realize is that I want what we have in a romantic partner. The joking, the banter, the compatibility, but more than anything the fact that we’re on the same page. Yes, there is no expectation from either of us to the other, it’s just friends. IMG_1440It’s friends who happen to joke around, but I’d argue you opened that door. You made the move, I just had no idea about it until I was already both feet through the door. I hate to lose the friendship and the talking. I hate to impercibly change the dynamic, but I feel it’s already shifted because of what’s happened. I don’t have any regrets about it. I don’t feel bad about it. I don’t think it changed us, I think it’s how we reacted after that has since changed our dynamic.
So I guess what I’m saying is, I’m game, but I think you’re not. I respectfully stand down. I’ve figured out how this game will be played out and I don’t need to play it. I know you’ll never read this and if you do, maybe you’ll realize the cards are on the table. But it is what it is.

 

I am who I am.

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