Posted in Advice, Love

Can You Fall For A Friend? Will It Work?

You know how it starts, guy meets girl. They hang out and get to know each other. They decide to try and start to fall in love. They laugh and smile and begin to create a life together. And sometimes it works, other times it doesn’t. It’s funny how life is like that, huh. We think we’re on a path that entails someone we can’t imagine a life without and then all of a sudden, we lose them. Either because they can’t give us what we want and need, or because we just happen to grow apart, or because it just wasn’t meant to last. Life’s funny like that, it sometimes rips the rug from right under us and what’s left to do but move on and grow up. Change and embrace the new you. But rarely do you get the chance to fall for a friend and create that story. Plus if it happens, what if it all dies and breaks down? Is losing the friendship worth trying a relationship? Probably not, but it’s ironic how that seems to happen when we least expect it.

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I personally think a friendship can turn into something more, but it’s rare. It’s so hard to know that line and understand what you’re considering losing should shit hit the fan and is it worth it all? Sure, falling in love sounds great, but why bother? More often than not you get let down by those closest to you, no one quite knows you like your family and it’s hard to reconcile that when you find someone and create a life with them. They don’t know your quirks or why you do what you do. They see you as the adult in front of them, not understanding what makes you, you. It’s hard to reconcile it, because in so many ways who you are stems from how you were raised and how you were seen. I believe incontrovertibly that who we were as a child is who we are as adults and it then becomes a reflection of who we become as adults in this world.

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I had an interesting conversation about relationships at work today and the idea of statutes of limitations for making mistakes and we have no limit. Mistakes are always going to be in our lives, no matter how much we think we can prepare, we so can’t think we’re not going to mess up from time to time. I think the hard part is setting a limit and then choosing to not push past it. To respect the line drawn in the sand and not play there anymore. When crossing lines, it gets so messy and so confusing and so blurred, it’s hard to know what is up and what is down. But I feel if you’re both game, that’s when it can work out.

 

It can be true magic. It can be what fairy tale love stories are written about. It can be the end game.

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Posted in Advice, Love

Grey Areas, Toeing Lines, It’s Not My Style.

Here’s the thing, I think you like me, and I think you have no idea of where you stand with me. I think it’s easier to pretend you don’t, and if that’s the game you want to play, okay, I won’t press you. I’m not about making either of us uncomfortable, since I actually enjoy your friendship too. I think you like me more than you consciously will admit,  But if you wanna dive into this, I’m curious to see where it could take us, and I’m game. Totally willing to play by what rules you want (because I’m just so sweet). I think I keep you on your toes and I challenge you more than you realize, but if you’re happy and don’t want to cross that line, I respect it. I also respect you and I both enough to bring this up and talk about it with you since I think the lines are blurred and we’re just playing a pitiful game of tag.

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If you want this to be just drunk hook-ups, that’s fine. If you want to be solely friends, we need to establish this now and it won’t be crossed, but right now being in limbo, it’s not fair to do to anyone. I also respect your girl enough to not be that bitch, so this line needs to be defined. Obviously I like you, and we respect each other and we laugh and have fun and it’d be a good time, but really the ball, for once, I think, falls to you.

 

I get confused. I’m left wondering and can’t decide what the right path is. I think by default then the line becomes clear. I think what I realize is that I want what we have in a romantic partner. The joking, the banter, the compatibility, but more than anything the fact that we’re on the same page. Yes, there is no expectation from either of us to the other, it’s just friends. IMG_1440It’s friends who happen to joke around, but I’d argue you opened that door. You made the move, I just had no idea about it until I was already both feet through the door. I hate to lose the friendship and the talking. I hate to impercibly change the dynamic, but I feel it’s already shifted because of what’s happened. I don’t have any regrets about it. I don’t feel bad about it. I don’t think it changed us, I think it’s how we reacted after that has since changed our dynamic.
So I guess what I’m saying is, I’m game, but I think you’re not. I respectfully stand down. I’ve figured out how this game will be played out and I don’t need to play it. I know you’ll never read this and if you do, maybe you’ll realize the cards are on the table. But it is what it is.

 

I am who I am.

Posted in Advice, Love

Kick Back and Relax, Girl, You do You

If you asked me 6 months ago, if I could do casual and walk away without too many tears, I would’ve laughed. If you asked me if I could not care about someone, I’d have choked. If you asked me if I could finally feel free and happy with my life, I’d have scoffed because I thought my life was going how I had “planned” it.

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It’s funny how life truly works in mysterious ways.  It reconnects you to people of your past in the funniest of ways. It makes you think twice on everything you know and thought you understood, but most of all, it makes you grow. Sometimes, as cliched as it sounds, we need to look within and make decisions for ourselves rather than because we think we should sacrifice for someone else.

I never thought I’d find something so relatable, but this quote (to the left) sums up how I feel this relationship ended.

So I guess the new mantra; live for me not for anyone else; choose what makes me happy not because someone else says so; decide on what my heart wants not what I feel I obligated to do.

Posted in Advice

To Your Haters

Don’t let those who are envious of you shower you in their hate. You’re strong and you’re a survivor. You made it to today and you’re here. Some days just getting out of bed is victory enough.

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As a woman, all too often I see other women cutting another down, or being petty, or excluding. The behaviors of juvenile children. Not grown women who should all be coming together in solidarity as women around the world. There shouldn’t be any war between women, when the far greater war is for equality with men for the jobs we both do. No woman should ever feel torn down by another, or mocked and ridiculed, or excluded because we should build each other up. We should want to see women take over the corporate world, the executive suites, the CEO’s, and the head honchos. Women need to pull together and make the changes to the world to better society. We can’t do anything if we’re too busy clawing it out with our fellow comrades.

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Don’t be THAT girl/woman/lady, the one who steals men for her ego, the one who thinks she’s better and can do what she wants with no consequence. Be responsible. Be forceful. Be strong. But don’t step on your fellow femmes to do the job.
We are all unique and beautiful in our own ways. I believe the sooner we all see our own character as a strength rather than something to wish we would change, we can come together and celebrate our differences as the strongest part of our army.

Posted in Advice

Communication…. It really is key to a successful relationship

So many people will talk about all the aspects you need for a successful relationship, but I believe, it always boils down to communication. There are so many different communication styles, it’s partially learning what your partner’s is. But also, it’s about your style as well. Communication and your expectation of what a partner needs to give you is a bit part of making a relationship work. Do you expect to talk all day long over the small stuff and then talk big when you’re together? Do you talk all day over texts and get deep but then in person don’t have much to say?

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Can you joke around while still having respect for each other? Do you fight together rather than fighting each other? I believe the best part of a relationship is the companionship and the attachment to one another. The fact that it’s you two taking on the world, together. Yes behind closed doors maybe you two will be on opposing sides, but to the world it’s a united front.

Being happy and in love takes so so so much work. Pity to all the people who believe love happens in a flash. Pity to the romantics who blindly follow their “crush” and don’t understand that life is not as easy as we think it is as a child. We’re so bright and happy and unbreakable, but then after the first heartbreak we lose a little of ourselves without realizing it. Each time we lose a part of our hearts we build a little more of a wall. IMG_1074To keep the people out, to keep what remains of our heart intact, to pretend we don’t care. As a result, we forget how to open ourselves up and play the game of caring less to keep the power.

 

I can’t stress enough how important open communication needs to be in any type of relationship and it’s gotta jive with both people. So here’s to letting down walls and falling for someone!

Posted in Advice

Happy Father’s Day

Today we get to celebrate all the dads out there who’ve raised their sons and daughters to be the men and women of today.

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Today we get to cherish the fond memories with our dads and show our appreciation to them.

 

But I gotta say, for me, my dad isn’t just my hero or role model, he’s a friend and an inspiration. He’s taught me so much. Nurtured my passions, and taught me to see a job through. He’s taught me to be handy and a self-sufficient woman able to do the basic handy work around the house. He’s challenged me to be better each and every day and he’s guided me with prods along the way to get job done.

 

 

Posted in Advice

To the random strangers who can make your day

Sometimes an offhand compliment is all that’s needed to change someone’s day.  It’s the compliment to someone about how what they’re wearing caught your eye. It can be the shoes, or the dress, or those earrings, or even just the way they’re carrying themselves.

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We don’t know each other’s’ stories, for all we know, they could be having a terrible month and just wanted to do something for themselves. Let their effort be noticed and applauded. I walk down the streets of Philadelphia and all too often I see everyone looking down at their phones and ignoring the world around them. It’s such a shame because there is so much to be noticed in the day to day. Granted, I’m not immune to this criticism, I’m all too often guilty of listening to music and tuning the world out, but I always keep my eyes up and I make eye contact with those around me. I take in the world and I enjoy myself as I can. But a lot gets lost at times, I tend to ignore people if they try to talk me to as a result, but when the headphones are out, it’s amazing how often you can strike up a conversation.
So here’s to making friends out of strangers and making someone’s day! Go forth and notice the world.

Posted in Advice

Happy Birthday Pants! <3

Today marks the day one of my favorite people was born today.

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Rachel “Pants**” Bower. ** actual given middle name. Going on four years of friendship, two years of living together, and of course being a sister. I’m damn lucky and proud to have this girl in my life! ❤

From a shared love of country music, to the flyers, to laughing at people (in a nice way), to spending quality time together, Pants is one of my favorite people around. So pants, here’s to a HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY 24th birthday! I love you!! 10390032_4394410538111_6433560852247562321_n

1059866_2933542857332_579112346_n We’ve celebrated countless patriotic holidays together and10384987_3484513551255_1273825325_n while this is the first year we won’t be in the same city, I’ll be toasting with her on the 4th of July.

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So cheers to my favorite girl around. Here’s to making some new memories and taking more pictures when we’re together!

Posted in Advice

College Grads…. Wow, Congrats and Time Flies

Can’t believe it’s been two years since I finished my last class as an undergrad and said goodbye to higher schooling. What’s most ironic is now is when I wish I had had partaken in graduation to have some throwback pictures, but I don’t.

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I opted to go home to Maryland and celebrate with my family in my own way. I have no desire for the spotlight to be on me, no matter how brief, it’s just not my style. But I have to say, to all the fellow alums, congrats! Especially to the dragons of 2016! You made it through and now it’s time to jump into the real world!

Posted in Advice

Starting Over

Starting over can be tough, but sometimes it’s the kick in the ass we need. Sometimes we need to start over by going to a new city, meeting new people, and searching for the place that opens its arms to us and welcomes us home.

 

For me personally, Philadelphia has never been home. It, like most of my jobs, has been a stepping stone into the bigger and better things I have planned for my life. I’ve stayed here for far longer than I wanted for the wrong reasons, and I feel now I need to move for all the reasons that held me back for so long!

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I’m not scared. I’m not worried. I’m not hesitant. In fact, it’s the first time in a long time I truly feel alive. I feel excited. Exhilarated. Lightweight. And Worry Free! I’m looking into options around other cities of the country. I’m looking into different career paths. And I’m thrilled about it. I’m most excited about Nashville, for some inexplicable reason, I am pulled to Nashville. I feel it in my bones, this is the place where I want to be. I want to live and thrive, and love this city. We’re going to find out if that’s the case soon enough when I go down for 5 days.

 

Sometimes the best way to start over is to take time for yourself and see what makes you tick, with no outside influences or factors or people. You get to tap into what makes you happy and how you want to spend your time. How you spend your day when the day is yours, and how you’ll be a better partner in the future to someone who fits into your life. Sure, starting over is a little scary, and a little worrisome, but it’s the best feeling in the world to know that any and all decisions can be yours and yours alone. If you’re not afraid to spread your wings and move to a whole new place and begin fresh, what’s to stop you?
Nothing. So go be brave and trek a new path.