If you asked me at 18 if I thought I could become jaded and cynical about love by the time I turned 25, I would’ve laughed in your face. I would’ve said that’s not possible because I’m a hopeless romantic. I would’ve said I would be as romantic as possible because that’s how you show love. Well the reality of it, is it’s not all sunshine and puppy dogs, some days you just can’t muster enough up to even care, let alone tell them what they mean to you, but you do. Sometimes life gets complicated and it gets crazy. You bring baggage to your next relationship, even when you try not to, it’s just the nature of the beast. So for me, here’s the stitch, I think I’m so scared about how much I can potentially like him, I’m reflexively feel defensive because if I let him under my armor, I’m terrified he’ll destroy me. My instinct now is just complete and utter self-preservation.
The instinct of fear drives us, fear of not being enough, of failure, of letting people down, of not living the life we had always imagined. But I’ve come to see life is never going to guarantee a soft and gentle landing, not until you’re in the dirt. Life doesn’t come with an instruction manual. But sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith and hope life is going to give you a boost.
It’s so easy to get wrapped up in how the world doesn’t give you what you think you deserve, but the fact of the matter is, no one owes us anything. Nothing is a given and nothing should be taken for granted. I realize I say this with a sense of understanding myself and seeing how much I put into this world, I get back.
Always remember there is something to be grateful for in your life, no matter how dark the day may seem.