I want to thank you for being a part of my life, even if our lives no longer cross. For a certain amount of time, you were in my life, worth my time, worth getting to know and adding value to my life. Perhaps our lives took different directions and we just physically moved apart. Perhaps, it was an emotional divide unable to be conquered. But whatever it was, I thank you. I thank you for shaping me into who I am today. I have memories with each and every one of you, good and bad, dramatic and low-key, funny and tragic.
Perhaps I outgrew you, perhaps you outgrew me. Perhaps it was just a temporary friendship to help us both launch into better and bigger things? As much as I wish I could say all my friends are still with me today from day one, I cannot. From college, I can count on one hand who is still in touch with me. From childhood, I can count on one hand who I know are reliably in my life and can be counted on for anything and everything. I’m blessed my circle of friends has grown, but also the friendships which have stood the test of time have gotten stronger and stronger, even if we all live in different cities.
I think back to the days of high school, perhaps we were just fleeting friends, acquaintances rather than friends. We didn’t really hang out beyond school or when we’d run into each other in town. We would exchange hellos and “how are you’s” and be on our way. If I saw you now, I’d say hi and small talk again, but it wouldn’t amount to anything beyond the superficial and I’m okay with that. For a while I felt that, I should try harder, but I realize that amount of work to put into keeping certain relationships going, isn’t always worth it. Sometimes you gotta let go of people to let better people come change your life.
I want to thank the college friends who lasted a few years in my life. You helped make me me, you helped create amazing memories and nights spent up too late, you helped to show me what I needed out of real friends. I don’t regret a moment spent with some of you. Yes, we had some fights, but damn did we have good times. I want to thank my old college roommate. Thank you for being the person I needed you to be when I was 18. Thanks for being the person I realized I couldn’t keep in my life, because my dreams and my hopes were beyond the scope of what you wanted. Thank you for being the best roommate I could’ve ask for as a freshman. But what I owe you more, is the deepest and sincerest apology.
If you ever read this, not likely you will, but please know you were an incredible force in my life. You taught me more than I can even express, but if there’s one thing I wish I could say to you it’s this;
I’m sorry. Pure and simple. I’m sorry for not being able to be the friend who understood you in all the ways you were. I’m sorry for the last fight we had, and for not seeing that nothing I could say would change your course. They say sometimes it takes loving someone so much it breaks your heart, to see, you’ll never change them. I’m sorry for all the things I said in the heat of the moment. But more than anything, I’m sorry I lost my best friend of two years because you were a big part of my life. You helped me transition into the real world, become accountable, and be fierce. Maybe I overreacted at the fuel which sparked our months’ long fight. Maybe I should’ve been more understanding. Perhaps, even if I had, we still would’ve grown apart. All that’s left to say, is, I hope your life is what you wanted, I hope your dreams have come true, I hope you’ve found happiness, and I want to thank you for being my friend.