I know I’ve talked a lot about the break-ups and losses, but I think they contribute so much into who we are as people and how we choose to grow from there, we must write to understand and to see what has changed in our life.
If you asked me how I would react to a break-up, never would I have thought it would be possible to make peace with it before it happened. Yes, tears will inevitably fall because we must mourn the loss of a love. But I look back and see I removed myself from a relationship which was slowing and breaking down.
Once the final goodbye was stated, I felt it. My heart shatter. In a different way from the last time my heart was broken. This time it was a quiet shatter. Barely heard above the sound of my breath. It was a thin knife slipped into your heart, you don’t immediately realize the damage that’s been done until it’s too late. Yes, it still hurt to breath, but I realize after a little while, it was easier to breath. I never noticed before I wasn’t getting a full breath of air. After it was over, I could breath again. I could take deep breaths of fresh, untainted, new air and let my lungs sing. The knife in my chest was holding me back, it had grown to be something I just ignored, not seeing it was restricting me.
The break up was like trying to grab a cloud, we know we can’t have it in our hands, in a tangible manner and yet we try to grab it. We want to hold it, encompass it and own it. The harder we cling to the dying relationship, the quicker it leaves us. Some things we can control, some thing are beyond us, but we fight no matter what for the tiniest amount of control we can maintain in our lives. To admit it’s over is to admit you failed. To admit you failed, well I don’t know many people who openly acknowledge their failures. To tell friends and loved ones, a relationship ends is never easy, but what makes it harder it when it quietly fades away.
Life has a way to make us more cynical and guarded as we get older, but part of me tries, oh so hard, to not lose my sense of wonder of the world, to maintain parts of the carefree and young aspects of life. I read so many quotes about how we need to live a life we’re proud of and to make a mark bigger than our jobs. I truly believe we need to make our lives remarkable beyond what is that “status quo”.
Life changes us in ways we never foresaw because that’s how life is. Through loss, familiar, romantic, and just randomly, we grow into stronger people. We fight our way to the top and when we get there… the view is incredible.