After a little time to think, and my heart was happy with my decision to pursue this adventure with my person, I took the next step and deleted my Bumble account. I figured to give him a fair chance, it would only be equal to put us on the same playing field.
I will say there are a few aspects of having the convenience of a dating app on my phone I miss. The ease in which you can pass time during your day by scrolling through their pictures, bios, and playing ‘is it worth my time?’ More than that, I miss the game. I miss being able to flirt behind a 4 inch screen and create the persona I want to be known as. I miss the ability to feel both wanted and desired at the same time and know you never have to actually meet any of these guys.
But what do I not miss? I don’t miss the guys who are just looking for a quick and dirty hook-up. I don’t miss the guys who right away, you know why they are single. I don’t miss the guys who are totally just not right to be a partner to pretty much any adult, bill-paying, responsible woman. I don’t miss the fake and hollow conversations started.
What am I happiest to have? I’m happy to have someone who I’m starting to build something with. I’m happy he’s a thoughtful, kind, generous, smart, attractive, and sweet man. I’m happy to have someone to tell my good news to. I’m happy to have someone to brag and gush about. I’m happy with where I am. I don’t feel like my life has gotten any less exciting or fun since I’ve decided to commit myself to one person. That’s not to say I’m not going to live my life. I’m finding out, more than anything, I don’t want to lose myself into another person. We’re two totally different people and we’re trying to make something totally unique. It’s a balancing act.
I guess I don’t miss much, but I have moments when I kind of want that immediate gratification. I guess it’s just the way society has made us so reliant on our immediate responses and we can’t escape it.