Posted in Advice, Love

It Starts Again…. (part 1)

We learn a lot about ourselves when we find ourselves once again, alone, in this world, navigating through a sea of people. It’s a lot harder each time we lose a part of ourselves into another. We lose sight of who we are and who we were. We lose a bit of our spark and passion. All too often do we think we’ll never be the same, and it’s true we won’t. But what’s even better, after a breakup, is the freedom and happiness that comes with being able to make decisions for yourself for your own wants and desires. I found myself in an interesting situation because I thought I wasn’t going to be ready to move on, but suddenly my life opened up and options were plentiful. And here it begins… again.

It’s odd to think your heart can be ready to move on before you thought possible. Being single for all of three weeks, I’ve gotten out and met a few guys. Gotten to go out and explore this fine city I reside it. I’ve been lucky, since I’ve had wonderful support from friends about my breakup, co-workers have lent a sympathetic ear, and I feel I’m ready to move on.

I’m not ready to jump into a relationship right away, but I’m okay with going slow and figuring out how to date as an adult. I’m liking the attention, the way I get butterflies and major anxiety. I like the company and attentiveness. I appreciate the generosity of my dates and the conversations. While I’m all for not being selfish, I’m all about being selfish. I want to soak up all the guys vying for my attention. I want to feel like the hottest woman out there, and hell if I don’t!

It’s all a little scary. That moment. When you first meet. The butterflies stop for a second, and your gut says “yes.” The first moment you see his behavior, swoon or shrug.

In waiting, my anxiety was intense. Not only did I have nerves about it being a first date. It was also the first time I’m meeting him. The first time I’m meeting a stranger online. Hell if I wasn’t nervous, call me a fool. But once he walked up the street, a few minutes late, my heart slowed to a normal pace. He looked like he wasn’t a deranged serial killer. This could be good. He pointed at himself, then at me, and I cracked a smile. Relief rushed over me, I wasn’t being stood up. He walked right up to me and said hi, oh so sweetly. Then opened the door like a gentleman. Immediately his attention was upon me, asking how my day/week had been. We wandered to be seated and started chatting. My heart totally behaving again; this wasn’t so bad. We got a table by the bar and started to small talk about drinks and whatnot. Nothing too crazy yet. In my mind, I’m trying to figure out, what’s this guy’s deal?

 

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