Posted in Advice, Love

Because Sometimes Grief Brings Anger

“It’s not easy… none of this starts without tears. I’m unprepared for how to be my own person again. I’ve thought about another as a breathing breath, I’ve taken into consideration my ex-partner for all these decisions made in the past. For the first time, I make decisions for myself. I get to make impulse choices. For the first time, I get to think of myself and be as selfish as I please. It’s a liberating feeling, but it’s also terrifying.

I rage between tears and laughter. I think I have the emotions under control and can compartmentalize, but then I see it’s not the case. It’s impossible. To think you can walk away unscathed and unruffled. It’s a lie and we all know it. For three years, my heart became entwined with another’s . I put my own hopes and dreams on hold for another person. I let myself become a bird in a gilded cage. I think part of me hoped if I could transition into adulthood and see a magical change, it would all end up the way it’s supposed to; happily. But what I couldn’t foresee was my undying and fiery passion for something bigger than myself. What I couldn’t foresee was that my pride would see before my heart could see, I was stronger than I was letting myself be. I held onto someone because they were safe and I wasn’t ready to face the changes coming. I wanted to be sheltered from the storm called adulthood. I wanted to be protected and protect something else, for what could be said, was the greater cause. But now I see how foolish and mistaken I was.

I want to stand in the storm and get soaked. I want to fight for what I believe in and what I stand for. I want to see the greater good still lives on in this world. I don’t want anything to hold me back any longer. I’ve spent enough time doubting, second guessing, waiting, lowering standards, and not getting what I deserve out of life.”

 

How it all felt at the end of relationship. It laid at my feet, broken and irreparable. Who knew a relationship already dying slowly before you could still hurt like it was a new wound? I’ve gotten past it, my heart is stronger than ever, but for a few days, tears fell far more often than breaths seemed to be coming. When you come to a point and realize you no longer want to be confined in a space you’ve outgrown, you fight. You fight like hell because you know, deep down, your life needs to become yours again.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s