“It’s not easy… none of this starts without tears. I’m unprepared for how to be my own person again. I’ve thought about another as a breathing breath, I’ve taken into consideration my ex-partner for all these decisions made in the past. For the first time, I make decisions for myself. I get to make impulse choices. For the first time, I get to think of myself and be as selfish as I please. It’s a liberating feeling, but it’s also terrifying.
I rage between tears and laughter. I think I have the emotions under control and can compartmentalize, but then I see it’s not the case. It’s impossible. To think you can walk away unscathed and unruffled. It’s a lie and we all know it. For three years, my heart became entwined with another’s . I put my own hopes and dreams on hold for another person. I let myself become a bird in a gilded cage. I think part of me hoped if I could transition into adulthood and see a magical change, it would all end up the way it’s supposed to; happily. But what I couldn’t foresee was my undying and fiery passion for something bigger than myself. What I couldn’t foresee was that my pride would see before my heart could see, I was stronger than I was letting myself be. I held onto someone because they were safe and I wasn’t ready to face the changes coming. I wanted to be sheltered from the storm called adulthood. I wanted to be protected and protect something else, for what could be said, was the greater cause. But now I see how foolish and mistaken I was.
I want to stand in the storm and get soaked. I want to fight for what I believe in and what I stand for. I want to see the greater good still lives on in this world. I don’t want anything to hold me back any longer. I’ve spent enough time doubting, second guessing, waiting, lowering standards, and not getting what I deserve out of life.”
How it all felt at the end of relationship. It laid at my feet, broken and irreparable. Who knew a relationship already dying slowly before you could still hurt like it was a new wound? I’ve gotten past it, my heart is stronger than ever, but for a few days, tears fell far more often than breaths seemed to be coming. When you come to a point and realize you no longer want to be confined in a space you’ve outgrown, you fight. You fight like hell because you know, deep down, your life needs to become yours again.