Posted in Advice

Dreamers

“Here’s to you long-shots, you dark horse runners
Hair brush singers, dash-board drummers
Here’s to you wild magnolias, just waiting to bloom.
There’s a little bit of all that inside of me and you.”

“Go ahead and hate the world girl you earned the right now
But she still dreams after she woke tight hold on that hope
Sometimes it can seem so cold do what you gotta do to cope”

“You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will live as one”

We all know the lyrics of songs that feed into our hopes and dreams, they let us hope for a better tomorrow, a lover who wants us flawed and all, and  a home that’s a place of refuge and also of love.

I’ve learned in the last 24 hours that dreams are just that, a dream. We make in our heads a perfect scene, perfect dialogue because that’s what we want to hear only to find out that it’s not real it’s just what we hope to hear and those words of reality hurt, sting, burn and scar. I think it’s so important to have dreams, and hopes, and wishes, and goals, but I also find that talking about your dreams and another’s dreams is especially vital to a relationship because it’s good to know where both people stand.

Here’s my speech on a soapbox now:

Live your life as you want, talk about the things you want to, and don’t be afraid to say them aloud to your partner. It sucks when you think about a possible ending, but don’t jump the gun, don’t assume because it’s how you see things now it’s always going to be like this. Have faith that things can change, people can change (if it’s by their choice), and situations and circumstances change. I feel that talking about these things and knowing where each person stands in vital, and know that you can’t change a person’s mind, they’ve already decided what they think, so be kind and don’t push them or try to convince them- let it be. I’ve learned that the only way someone can come around to seeing things the way you see them is if you are respectful and let them process and think on their own terms. I believe in being the right person in a relationship (not the RIGHT person) but being there for support and understanding, kindness and love, and also letting them know that you’re not going to just leave at the first sign of trouble. I also think that sometimes after these heavy conversations people need space to think and wonder on their own instead of trying to hound them more and more because that just wears everyone down. For me personally, after last night’s conversation, I sent an apology text for overstepping (in my opinion) and letting him know that if he wants space he’s welcome to take it because I was a little bit of a nut last night. I think that it’s my job to respect him. Dreams change, people change, life changes (every moment that we have is different from the last) so I feel that holding on to something for a future that might not happen the way you plan is kinda crazy, but I think that understanding things will always change and never be constant is vital to seeing eye to eye. I think that there are so many people out in the world waiting to meet you that if this dream isn’t what you’ve always imagined it’s okay to find a new path and make it on your own.

Okay! That’s enough preaching for the day, but live your life how you want. People who are worth it, will understand. But don’t burn your bridges, don’t turn your back, and don’t forget to be the best you can be.

Also write letters to yourself about how you’ve grown and changed and how your life is shaping up. It’s a great reflection tool and it helps to get all emotions out, it helps to make you feel better and it also really just lets you see how much you’ve grown up and changed each time you re-read your letters.

h&k

N

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